When people ask, "How are you feeling?", can they handle the truth?

When a person asks someone with chronic illness, "How are you feeling?", most of the time the inquirer is not prepared for the answer. Here's the bottom line:

Chronic Illness is uncomfortable to talk about for people who have never experienced it. I've already done a post on "My Do's and Don'ts of Fibro Talk". 

Today though, we're talking specifically about the dreaded question, "How are you feeling?"

Why is that question "dreaded", you ask? Let me explain, from my personal perspective, at least.

When someone asks me how I'm feeling, I have two options:

1) I can give them the answer most people want to hear: "I'm fine." This relieves any responsibility of the inquirer having to listen, understand, or sympathize. Yet, it allows them to feel good about themselves for asking in the first place. It ends the conversation quickly and allows everyone to go back to their business. Done and done.

Yes. It sounds callous. But our society has resorted to empty greetings in passing because most people are too busy/distracted to really listen. It doesn't make them a bad person. It just makes them a typical human. When I answer like this and I'm not really "fine", I feel like I'm cheating myself and I hate not being truthful. Which leads me to my second option...

2) I can tell the inquirer the truth. Some days, the truth is "I'm fine." Most of the time, however, people inquire when they notice you aren't feeling/looking well. Personally, I feel guilty or bothersome when I answer truthfully. People who don't live with chronic pain are able to be more carefree and positive. I'm not saying those with chronic illness are negative, but a huge part of our survival is being real with ourselves. And just because we're acknowledging we aren't feeling well, that doesn't mean negativity for us. It's just another part of our typical day. We  rarely get "carefree days," if ever. I tend to feel like a Debbie Downer though when I'm honest with people about my pain levels because it isn't the "typical response" to the question. I tend to be emotional when I'm in pain anyway. So for me, the reaction from the inquirer can really affect the way I'm feeling about myself. 

Being honest with someone about my pain levels is a very intimate, vulnerable thing for me.  I don't like to admit my pain often. The less I talk about it, especially when its really bad, the less over-whelmed I get. I choose very carefully who I talk to about my pain and struggles. A statement I made in my "Do's and Don'ts" post is to please not handle me with kid gloves. If I openly talk to you about my pain, I'm not expecting you to fall all over me with sympathy. In fact, for those who know me, I tend to approach things with humor. Even though this illness is a very serious thing in my life, sometimes taking the seriousness out of it helps me to cope. 

The reality of it is, I'm reminded daily that I can't live my life like a normal 25yr old newlywed. So to cope, I like to say things like, "I'm going to cut off my elbow", or, "I really need a back transplant", or, "I'm going to punch my immune system in the face." Granted most of the time my friends and husband reply with, "I'm going to have to advise against that." But they understand. That's what makes me feel better.

However, in the rare times I am serious when I share how I'm feeling, I know it can be awkward for the person inquiring. What do you say to someone who has a condition that has no cure? I've already gone over what NOT to say. If you are ever in need of an appropriate response, here are some that could help:

"I'm sorry you're hurting. I'll pray for you."

"That really sucks man. Hang in there."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better."

However you decide to reply, remember to be GENUINE. We can spot fakes a mile away.

An example that actually happened today that is NOT an acceptable response (and a great example of Option #1's reaction) is this:

Inquirer: How are you feeling today?

Me: Thanks for asking… My back and hands are still really bothering me. My chiropractor told me I was a “train wreck” yesterday…and I do have to say, I feel like a train ran over me a few times. I think it’s just the fluctuation in weather. I’m hoping to be feeling better by this weekend. I’ve got so much to do with the church event on Saturday.

Inquirer: Great. Glad to hear you're feeling better.

I'll pause so you can process for a moment.....

Yes. That actually happened. And this is why I try to choose carefully who I am honest with. Clearly this is a person I should have replied to with, "I'm fine." They weren't really interested in the answer. 

My advice today is PLEASE don't be that person. If you're going to ask, be prepared that you may not get a quick and easy response. Our lives aren't quick and easy. Everything is complicated, and once in a while, explaining that to someone makes us feel a little better. If you are chosen to be that person we share details with, try to be a good listener. If you don't know what to say, its OK. Just don't respond like the person above did. A response that is inappropriate based on the information given is not only frustrating, its down right hurtful.

This post goes out to all of my fellow Chronic peeps that are afraid to answer with the truth. 

Insurance Companies are Communists

There is not nice way to say this:

My insurance company sucks. I have had nothing but trouble over the past two years since I started seeking treatment/diagnosis/etc. First it was my Chiropractor. God Bless him for helping us in spite of the crap my insurance pulled. I called them over and over and fought with them on the wording in the plan description. I consulted other people who had more experience with insurance lingo. Yet, the answer they gave me was, "It depends on how its interpreted."

SERIOUSLY!?! So what they were really saying was, "Well, today I feel like interpreting it so it says I'm going to leave you hanging with $1000's of bills even though we said we'd cover it at first."

Yep. Super awesome.

When I got hooked up with my Rheumatologist, I thought things were going alright. We had a very clear expectation of how much of the quarterly visits would be covered, plus all of the tests/x-rays/prescriptions that would be required during my diagnosis period. It still cost us a bit of money, but we made it work. We have finally gotten into a rhythm with my doctors visits and prescriptions...my pain management plan is working (mostly), and I feel better than I've felt in a long while. HOORAY! This is the ultimate goal of any chronic pain survivor!

Well go ahead and just smash that little happy bubble. A few days ago I received notification that as of January 1st, my insurance company is no longer going to cover my Cymbalta. For those of you who aren't as familiar with all of the different meds used to manage Fibro, Cymbalta is in a class of medications called selective SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors). It is used to treat Depression, Anxiety, pain from Fibromyalgia, Chronic Low Back Pain, Osteoarthritis pain, and nerve pain from Diabetes. 

Cymbalta works differently for everyone, but for me personally it has been an AMAZING help. I have been on several different anti-depressants throughout my life, and from a psychiatric standpoint, Cymbalta has worked the best. (My husband and mother will attest to this too!) 

Some of you may be thinking, "Why don't you just ask for the generic?" or "Why don't you just switch to something else?"

It isn't that easy. Cymbalta has no generic available. It is extremely expensive. WITH my insurance, I was paying close to $50 for a 30day supply. WITHOUT my insurance, it will now be impossible for us to afford it. 

How much is it without insurance? <Drumroll>

$220 for a 30day supply. (For context, that's more than my car payment.) 

Needless to say, I'm going to have to change meds. Again. 

Let me tell you, transitioning from one anti-depressant to another is NOT a happy fun time. You have to be weened off of one completely before starting the new one. For me, my sensory overload gets put on over-drive, my (emotional) nerves freak out, and in general, I am just NOT fun to be around. High-strung and crazy is an under-statement. Or at least that's how I feel like I am during the transition.

So....I'm extremely fearful of the transition...and I'm especially fearful that whatever medication I get put on will not work as well as the Cymbalta does. 

So there you have it. Insurance Companies are Communists.

The Life of Retail: Oh, the Humanity!

(My retail friends and fellow retail retirees will appreciate this.)

Oh my, where do I even begin. 

Retail is one of the most common jobs in the United States. From small businesses to big corporations such as Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and Macy's, retail is everywhere. It is what I consider one of the many unfortunate necessary evils in our world. There are so many things that go into making a Retail business successful. This post will be speaking mostly about the bigger Corporations.

Several roles are required to run a large Retail business. Remember the PC game Sim's Theme Park? You created this huge theme park and had to place workers everywhere to run the place. Little messages would pop up and alert you to complain about puke not getting cleaned up fast enough from one of the roller-coasters, or the trash not getting taken out fast enough. It was intricate, and unless you could effectively manage all of these little imaginary people, your customers would walk out because your bathrooms smelled or you ran out of corn dogs. Sometimes you'd get so many notifications it'd get over-whelming. Ridiculous for just a game right? Welcome to retail.

Let's rewind the clock to five years ago, when the economy still sucked, but it sucked just a little less. 

There was a different team for everything....

Inventory: Received the truck, pulled down the big items like TV's and large appliances, performed carry-outs for customers, did weekly counts of the items in the store, and they sent back items to manufacturer's that were "past their date of selling".

Merchandising: Stocked items, put signs up in the store, changed all of the prices and set the new ad on Sundays.

Loss Prevention/Asset Protection: Basically security. They watched the cameras, greeted customers as they came in, and said good-bye as they left. Checked receipts, called for carry-outs.

Customer Service: Returns/Exchanges

Cashiers: Rang stuff up (duh)

Sales: In my previous employer's terms that would mean MP3, TV's, Audio, Computers, Appliances, Cameras, and Media (CD's/Movies/Video Games) were all separate. 

I think you get the idea of the separate department thing now. Each of these departments had their on personal supervisor and manager. That's A LOT of sups and managers. And that's just at the store level. When you start adding in District and Territory support, corporate teams in charge of writing the HR policies, the out-sourced call centers for HR support, payroll, accounting, marketing....then you have the international relationships. It's fascinating how many people are involved, just so people can walk into a brick and mortar store and buy a new release movie every Tuesday, or a new TV because the most recent thunderstorm zapped theirs out. 

Now fast-forward to the present. The thousands of people who made up that very corporation...take a third of it away. The amount of different roles in the store, cut it in half. In stores that used to run 6 managers, they now only have 3. Where there used to be 8 supervisors, there are only 4. (Yes I'm sure you understand the concept of "half" but I'm shooting for context here.) Keep in mind, even though the number of employees has decreased, the number of tasks and responsibilities to run the business has not decreased.

I get it. The economy SUCKS right now. Sure, cut the amount of jobs. That will save boat loads of money. Everyone is doing it. But what does this mean for all of the store level employees? More work and more responsibilities. Aren't all of the District, Territory, and Corporate employees affected too? What about the ones who lost their jobs at the Corporate level? Well I'll tell you what happens. Most of them will receive a large severance package that will keep them going for quite a while. And those who didn't lose their jobs? Well they still get to work Monday through Friday, leave at 5pm, and spend evenings, weekends, and holidays with their families. They get to take 4 or maybe more vacations a year because the business will run without them.


The store level employees however work the nights and weekends and holidays, so consumers can wait last minute to buy gifts, so people can go buy a TV at 9 o'clock at night. (Who needs to buy a TV that late at night!?!?) I get it though. It comes with the territory, you say. That's what you sign up for when you decide to work retail. And it all comes down to money. People need to make money so they can support their families. Retailers need to make money, so they make their products available for more hours per day to be consumed, just in case someone might think, "Hey. I think I'd like a new TV," at 9pm one night. It's all about money. That's what makes our world go 'round. Money, money, money. 

So the pressure from Corporate starts coming down on Territory staff, then it trickles down to District, then they put pressure on the store Managers, which then gets transferred down to the store employees. The store employee who was once responsible for one department instead of four departments feels the pressure. Oh man, do they ever. They are expected to work longer hours, over-time, answer their personal phone any time of day even when it's their day off, and even expected to come in on their day off. What about their personal life? Well you can forget it. Unfortunately, it seems the money is more important.

This, my friends, is NOT what a person signs up for when they choose to work retail. Not if you're working part-time and getting paid minimum wage with no benefits or bonuses. When the head count gets cut, the responsibility increases for those that are left. But it's funny how the pay doesn't increase. Even if only the increase was a small amount, the money could still save money. It seems though that the majority of the bigger corporations have lost sight of the fact that it's their employees that make them the money they're so obsessed with. This brings me to my next point....

BLACK FRIDAY: The biggest shopping day of the year next to Christmas Eve. It's what every large Retailer spends their entire year planning for, and where you'll see fights break out over a "good deal" on the most popular toy of the year as early as 2am. When you choose to work retail, you inevitably sign up for working Black Friday. It's a non-negotiable. I'm sure you all have noticed though that over the years, the opening time has started creeping up a little earlier each year. When I first started retail, we opened Black Friday at 5 or 6am. (It was a while ago, I don't remember exactly.) The opening was early, but it allowed the employees who had to work the morning shift to at least spend a full day celebrating Thanksgiving with their families the day before, and get a semi-normal nights sleep before encountering the craziness that is Black Friday. This past Black Friday, my 6th in retail, we opened at midnight. MIDNIGHT! Employees working the morning shift had to show up as early as 10pm on Thanksgiving night. That day, our store was open a full 23hours straight. So not only did we have to come in earlier, some of us worked anywhere from 11-18hr shifts. Some of us were lucky and got to split them between two shifts and catch a nap at home in between. But several people commute to work, so running home and taking a nap wasn't really an option in between shifts. So in order to get enough rest to work the insane amount of hours that day, most people had to cut their Thanksgiving day festivities short. I personally went to bed at 3pm Thanksgiving day, to wake up at 8pm and get ready for my 14hrs of craziness. I got to see my family for 3 hours on Thanksgiving. Some "holiday" right?

This year, Wal-Mart has announced they will be opening their doors for Black Friday on Thursday at 8pm. This is two hours earlier than last year when they opened on Thanksgiving day at 10pm. They aren't the only ones either! See a list of retail store opening times here. 

First off, It's called Black FRIDAY!!!! For pete's sake. But, as we established earlier, its about making that extra buck. Who cares that the employees are going to be sacrificing time with their families. Now I will say, some companies are offering incentives to those willing to open on Black Thursday/Friday. Target is offering bonuses to their employees who will come open their doors at 9pm on Thanksgiving night. However, Wal-Mart is offering NOTHING. And I'm sure they aren't the only ones. And because of that, this is what they're getting.

That's right. As stated in the article, employees started their strike in October. A full two months before Black Friday. 160 employees walked out between 28 different stores. Now while this is a very small amount compared to Wal-Marts 1.4million US employees, it's a start. Tons of other strikes are planned for Black Friday that will include more people walking out, Flash Mobs, and other special surprises. What will it take to make this insanity stop? As also stated in the article, employees have attempted several times to organize a Union to stop the inhumane treatment. But Wal-Mart leadership retaliates on these employees by cutting their hours, basically forcing them to find other jobs to support their families. (I'm pretty sure that's illegal.)

Wal-Mart is just an example of the crazy treatment employees are receiving in the world of retail, where customers money comes first. As consumers, I must ask you, when dealing with anybody regarding business, please remember they are humans, too.They deserve to be treated as so, not as servants. Especially in a Retail environment. When it comes to the Holidays, namely Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, remember those employees have families too. And although they did sign up to work retail, they don't always get to choose the conditions they are put in just to make a living for their families. Furthermore, please don't be one of those jerks that walks in 5 minutes before closing on Christmas Eve, then get angry when they kick you at precisely at closing time. It's not their fault YOU waited until the last minute to buy your gifts. And it's most certainly not their fault YOU waited until the last day of the sale to come pick up the $199 laptop the ad said the store would only have 5 of. 

<Let the comments commence. Family friendly venting is encouraged.>