The Break-Up Conversation

Today my rheumatologist broke up with me. 

Ok, not technically a "break-up" per se, but she basically said she can't do anything else for me since my auto-immune system isn't broken. Now I'm being referred to a Pain Management Clinic(PMC).

I haven't decided whether this is a positive, neutral, or negative thing. I've tried to read up a little on the PMC I'm being referred to, but there isn't much material online about it. It's just part of the hospital I already visit bi-weekly. Maybe I should start keeping track of my miles for tax purposes....*Memo-to-self*

Something Dr. Collins did mention today is that the PMC has access to a wider variation of treatment options such as other medications, topical treatments, and injections (yay...not). As if I'm not already a human pin cushion.

I don't really have anything productive to say...I'm mostly just going in circles inside my head about how much I hate this illness and how this isn't the way I thought I would be living my life. You know the papers you write in high school where they ask, "Where do you want to be in 10yrs?" I can tell you exactly what I DIDN'T write:

"Chronically ill, back and forth on the verge of being disabled, and heart broken over it all."

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for. 10yrs ago I hoped to be married, but I never knew how amazing of a husband God would bestow upon me. He is my rock and the reason I get out of bed every morning. I have a wonderful family and support system back home, and a team of medical professionals who really are trying to make it to where I feel better.

It's just that when I think we've finally found a plan that works, another hole appears in the boat, water shoots out, and we start sinking a little bit more. 

Where's the duct tape when I need it?

Train Wreck

"Train Wreck" is a pet name my chiropractor likes to call me on super special days like today. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Not.

As I lie here in bed on ice packs, missing yet another day of work, I have to wonder if I'm really going to be able to continue working Full Time like a "normal" person, or if I'm going to end up on Disability. The organization I work for right now has allotted me many wonderful blessings. I finally have a Monday-Friday 8:30am-5pm job. I never work on holidays. I get to take a two week, paid winter recess. And on top of it all, I'm finishing my degree for free at a prestigious school. What moron wouldn't just find a way to "make it work"?

The "make it work" solution has eluded me. It's not that I don't want it, which I have been accused of before. I just can't figure it out. My body is this puzzle that I'm constantly battling. It throws a different obstacle at me daily, often times multiple times a day. Just when I think I've got it managed, it throws another wrench in my pain management plan. And right now, I'm not doing a very good job at keeping up with it. 

At this point, I'm researching other solutions that will allow me to make the same, or close to the same amount of money, but where I can have more freedom if I'm having a really bad pain day. I currently hold a position to where if I'm not there, it's a pretty big hassle to find someone to cover me. And don't get me wrong, they have been more than understanding with me. But just a few weeks ago I did an 11 day stint in bed, 9 of those days were working days. Now I'm out again today. I know it looks bad to them, and I know they have a business to run. You put 2 and 2 together.

Employment options that give you more freedom are typically self-run/home-owned businesses or work from home stuff. I've researched work from home jobs extensively, and I'm having a difficult time finding the right fit. As much as I would LOVE to have a home-owned business, it's just not the time right now for Jeremy and I to go down that road. Someday perhaps, but not right now.

Next week I will be meeting with my rheumatologist. I'm having a full Thyroid Panel run and I'm having her test my Adrenal gland. But until then, until I get the results, I'm just stuck. I wake up in the morning and I hurt. I try to be optimistic and say, "Ok. I'll lay here 5 more minutes and maybe I'll feel better." But 5 minutes passes and it isn't better. So I try stretching for a little while. Still not better. So then I think maybe a shower will make it better...but it doesn't. Finally, I come to the realization that it's just not going to get better today. Those are the days that I stay home. Days like today, where I feel stuck and have no clue how to "make it work."

I am definitely a Train Wreck.

The Liebster Award

Hello all!

Today I received notification from a really awesome person, Kathryn H., that I've been nominated for a Liebster Award. (Go check out Kathryn H.'s blog! http://equigems.blogspot.co.uk/)

Part of accepting the nomination is to do the following:

Thank the person who nominated you and include a link back to their blog. (Please see above.)

List 11 random facts about yourself.

Answer the 11 questions given to you.

Create 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate.

Choose 11 bloggers with 200 or fewer followers to nominate and include links to their blogs.

Go to each blogger’s page and let them know you have nominated them.

So, here we go...

11 Random Things about Yours Truly

1. In High School I taught private piano, violin, and saxophone lessons and dance lessons.

2. I can sing in front of thousands, but I'm terrified to play piano in front of anyone, even though I've been doing both the same amount of time (22yrs).

3. I'm TERRIFIED of spiders.

4. I collect Pandas.

5. I'm 1/8 Cherokee Indian, but you'd never know it because I look more like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

6. I love bird art (mostly silhouettes and prints), but I'm scared to death of the actual animal.

7. My ears are extremely ticklish and I hate to have them touched.

8. Elephants are my second favorite animal, (Panda's being first).

9. I would be what you'd consider a Geek. I love video games, table top games, RPG's, cos-play, sci-fi...you get the idea.

10. My mom is my best friend.

11. I have the attention span of a...oh look a shiny! 

11 Questions given to me by Kathryn H. (http://equigems.blogspot.co.uk/)

1.          Why is your blog named what it is? 

I named my blog Fibro vs Life because that is what I feel my every day goal is. Me vs Fibromyalgia. This blog is journey of working through the pre-diagnosis up until now where I am in the "maintaining" the symptoms. (Heh.)

2.         What is the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to you?

I met the love of my life. AND I got to marry him. (Sorry, had to be mushy gushy for a second.)

3.         Do you have any animals in your life, if so who/what how many?

I have one dog named Lucy. She is a Chocolate Lab/Corgi mix. This dog is my heart and my child. I love her to pieces!!!

4.         If you were given 1 million pounds what would you do with it?

Well, 1 million pounds wouldn't do much for me here in the US... but if I had a million dollars (and wasn't singing the Bare Naked Ladies song)...props if you got the reference...I would pay off mine and my husband's debt, our family's debt, buy us a house, buy our parent's houses, then set up a trust fund for my children's education, then invest the rest for retirement.

5.         Do you have any hobbies?

I like to paint with acrylics, (although I'm not super awesome at it.) I also enjoy reading when I have the time. My most recent series is the Harry Dresden series by Jim Butcher. 

6.         What is your best ever holiday and is there anywhere you HAVE to visit one day?

The best vacation I've taken so far was the tour I took with my collegiate choir to Italy. It was such an amazing opportunity that I probably would never have gotten otherwise! My husband and I have several places on our list to visit, but one that is a MUST is Disney World. He's been there a million times, but I've yet to have a true Disney experience.

7.         Why do you write a blog and what keeps you going?

I write my blog in hopes of comforting others going through similar chronic illness issues, to educate those who have never heard of Fibromyalgia or may not understand how a chronic illness works, and I also use it as a therapeutic tool for myself. Life keeps me going. Things never stop happening, so there's always something to write about! 

8.         Do you have a Facebook page?

Yes! However, my Facebook page is set to Super-Private Mode. If you'd like to friend me though just leave me a comment and I'll be happy to add you!

9.         Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

Let's see...in 10years I will be just about to turn 36. (Oy.) I hope to have one or two children, own a home of my own, be closer to my parents, and hopefully I will have started, if not finished my master's degree.

10.       Who is your favourite famous person and why?

This is a hard one...I have a different favorite famous person every other day. (Can I name a superhero? No? Ok.) How about Walt Disney. He created most of my childhood, so that's pretty awesome. But also if you've ever seen inspirational quotes by WD, he was an extremely intelligent, beautiful person. 

11.       If you like art share your favourite painting, or share your favourite song if more music orientated.

Since I'm in a choral mood tonight, I'll say Samuel Barber's vocal arrangement of Agnus Dei. It gave me chills every time I performed it, and it still gives me chills every time I listen to it. 

11 Questions for my Nominees to answer:

1. If you were a superhero, what powers would you have?

2. Do you have any animals, if so how many and what are their names?

3. What are your hobbies?

4. Who is the most influential person in your life?

5. Who/What inspired you to write your blog?

6. If you could visit anywhere in the world and money was no option, where would you go?

7. If you could go back in time and witness any historical event, which would you choose and why?

8. Which 5 celebrities/famous people (dead or alive) would you invite over for a dinner party?

9. Ninja's or Pirates, and why?

10. If you could go back and change any one decision in history, which would you choose?

11. What is your favorite movie?

My 11 Nominee's (I'm not sure how to see how many followers anyone has...)

1. http://www.childlessnothopeless.com/

2. http://crohnschronicles.blogspot.com/

3. http://chroniclesoffibro.blogspot.com/

4. http://jjongsma.blogspot.com/

5. http://ourlifewithalex.blogspot.com/

6. http://www.inflamed-and-untamed.com/

7. http://www.taminginsanity.com/

8. http://coisasdeartista.blogspot.com/

9. http://diaryofafostercat.blogspot.com/

10. http://www.midwesterngardener25.blogspot.com/

11. http://di-dad.blogspot.com/

And there you have it! Viola!!!!!

< Insert Something Inspirational/Educational >

Hey there fellow Fibro peeps, supporters, readers, and the person who accidentally happened upon this blog and doesn't know how or why they're here.

The last few days I've been searching for inspiration to help me write a new post. This is what I came up with...

....nada/zip/zero/nothing.

So today I'm literally going to word vomit the things on my mind. They may not flow well, and some of it might not even make any sense. Here we go...

My elbows hurt. And my shoulders. I'm sitting with an ice pack on my lower back. I came to work today in spite of having pains shooting down my right hip. Mostly because I missed work last week and two weeks before that. I'm not interested in making it a habit. My body is the most frustrating thing in the world. Jokes are constantly made about how complicated women are, that men (and women) can't ever understand the mood swings, double standards, illogical conclusions, and manipulative actions. My husband is always trying to predict how I will react to things. Any husband does this, I think. It's their job to know their wife well. I feel like I can understand his frustration with me finally. Currently I'm looking at my body and my mind as two separate beings. My mind is constantly trying to predict how my body will react, what consequences I'll have to endure depending on the activities I partake in. If I could understand my body and the repercussions I'd have to endure, I feel like I would HAPPILY walk on egg shells in order to not provoke the pain I'm experiencing right now. Today, right now, I would do anything to not feel like this.

Today is the first day I've come to work here without make-up on. I literally have not done that since I worked at Best Buy. Usually I'd be self-conscious about it. Today, for the first time in a really long time, I truly don't care. I've been asked, "Isn't there something you can take? Like ibuprofen?" 

If I'd felt like it, I would've laughed at that statement. But instead I answered, "Nope. Can't take anything but Tylenol and it doesn't do enough to matter. I took too much ibuprofen and other NSAIDs as a teenager and now my stomach is torn up over it." 

I don't WANT to have to rely on pain meds. I hate taking the amount of medications I take right now. I'm to the point now though where when my body freaks out like this for weeks at a time, I wonder how I am ever going to maintain a career. Or go to school for that matter. I'd be a huge idiot not to take advantage of finishing my bachelors while I work here. Not to mention Jeremy can go back for his...and if I'm here long enough, by the time my kids are of age they can come here. I can't imagine any of that happening. It all seems impossible. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day, let alone having kids in the next few years.

I'm afraid: absolutely terrified that my employers patience/understanding will run out. I'm terrified of going through what I went through at BBY. But it becomes difficult for someone without Chronic Pain to continue believing that yes, in fact, I do STILL hurt. Yes, it's been days/weeks/months, but it hasn't gone away. There isn't a quick, or long-term, "fix" for it. All you can do is learn to maneuver around it. And sometimes, Fibro likes to bring a gun to a knife fight. It isn't fair, but that's the way it works. 

It isn't acceptable to miss work consistently. Disability is difficult to get approved for. Even if I did apply for it, I would be basically consenting to never working again. I would be admitting defeat. And I wouldn't make as much money. Contributing to my marriage financially is important to me. Sometimes I can work. Sometimes I can't. But with Disability, you can't go back and forth from day to day or week to week. You choose Disability, therefore you are Disabled. 

Its not being Disabled that scares me. It's giving up on working. I like to work when I feel alright. I like to help people. I like trading crazy stories with my friends and family about the people I had to deal with throughout the day. 

But some days those same crazy people I deal with can cause me to go into a downward spiral if my nerves get bad enough. 

Nerves bad=Pain=Fatigue=Missing Work=Nerves Bad...etc. 

You get the idea.

I think I'm just going to leave it at that. No conclusion. No closure. Just "here ya go."

My word vomit.

When people ask, "How are you feeling?", can they handle the truth?

When a person asks someone with chronic illness, "How are you feeling?", most of the time the inquirer is not prepared for the answer. Here's the bottom line:

Chronic Illness is uncomfortable to talk about for people who have never experienced it. I've already done a post on "My Do's and Don'ts of Fibro Talk". 

Today though, we're talking specifically about the dreaded question, "How are you feeling?"

Why is that question "dreaded", you ask? Let me explain, from my personal perspective, at least.

When someone asks me how I'm feeling, I have two options:

1) I can give them the answer most people want to hear: "I'm fine." This relieves any responsibility of the inquirer having to listen, understand, or sympathize. Yet, it allows them to feel good about themselves for asking in the first place. It ends the conversation quickly and allows everyone to go back to their business. Done and done.

Yes. It sounds callous. But our society has resorted to empty greetings in passing because most people are too busy/distracted to really listen. It doesn't make them a bad person. It just makes them a typical human. When I answer like this and I'm not really "fine", I feel like I'm cheating myself and I hate not being truthful. Which leads me to my second option...

2) I can tell the inquirer the truth. Some days, the truth is "I'm fine." Most of the time, however, people inquire when they notice you aren't feeling/looking well. Personally, I feel guilty or bothersome when I answer truthfully. People who don't live with chronic pain are able to be more carefree and positive. I'm not saying those with chronic illness are negative, but a huge part of our survival is being real with ourselves. And just because we're acknowledging we aren't feeling well, that doesn't mean negativity for us. It's just another part of our typical day. We  rarely get "carefree days," if ever. I tend to feel like a Debbie Downer though when I'm honest with people about my pain levels because it isn't the "typical response" to the question. I tend to be emotional when I'm in pain anyway. So for me, the reaction from the inquirer can really affect the way I'm feeling about myself. 

Being honest with someone about my pain levels is a very intimate, vulnerable thing for me.  I don't like to admit my pain often. The less I talk about it, especially when its really bad, the less over-whelmed I get. I choose very carefully who I talk to about my pain and struggles. A statement I made in my "Do's and Don'ts" post is to please not handle me with kid gloves. If I openly talk to you about my pain, I'm not expecting you to fall all over me with sympathy. In fact, for those who know me, I tend to approach things with humor. Even though this illness is a very serious thing in my life, sometimes taking the seriousness out of it helps me to cope. 

The reality of it is, I'm reminded daily that I can't live my life like a normal 25yr old newlywed. So to cope, I like to say things like, "I'm going to cut off my elbow", or, "I really need a back transplant", or, "I'm going to punch my immune system in the face." Granted most of the time my friends and husband reply with, "I'm going to have to advise against that." But they understand. That's what makes me feel better.

However, in the rare times I am serious when I share how I'm feeling, I know it can be awkward for the person inquiring. What do you say to someone who has a condition that has no cure? I've already gone over what NOT to say. If you are ever in need of an appropriate response, here are some that could help:

"I'm sorry you're hurting. I'll pray for you."

"That really sucks man. Hang in there."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better."

However you decide to reply, remember to be GENUINE. We can spot fakes a mile away.

An example that actually happened today that is NOT an acceptable response (and a great example of Option #1's reaction) is this:

Inquirer: How are you feeling today?

Me: Thanks for asking… My back and hands are still really bothering me. My chiropractor told me I was a “train wreck” yesterday…and I do have to say, I feel like a train ran over me a few times. I think it’s just the fluctuation in weather. I’m hoping to be feeling better by this weekend. I’ve got so much to do with the church event on Saturday.

Inquirer: Great. Glad to hear you're feeling better.

I'll pause so you can process for a moment.....

Yes. That actually happened. And this is why I try to choose carefully who I am honest with. Clearly this is a person I should have replied to with, "I'm fine." They weren't really interested in the answer. 

My advice today is PLEASE don't be that person. If you're going to ask, be prepared that you may not get a quick and easy response. Our lives aren't quick and easy. Everything is complicated, and once in a while, explaining that to someone makes us feel a little better. If you are chosen to be that person we share details with, try to be a good listener. If you don't know what to say, its OK. Just don't respond like the person above did. A response that is inappropriate based on the information given is not only frustrating, its down right hurtful.

This post goes out to all of my fellow Chronic peeps that are afraid to answer with the truth. 

It's Been a While...

Hey there!

I know I've been MIA via Blogger for a while. My (almost) 6 month "sabbatical" has been necessary though. Here are some things that have happened since my last post:

• Tulane University offered me a permanent position in their Human Resources department after I temped there for 3 months. I accepted, of course :)

• Lucy, (our dog), had to have two small malignant tumors removed from her belly. She has since developed two more and we are trying to decide whether to do surgery again or not. (It costs a lot of money that we don't exactly have right now...)

• I totaled my car on a pot hole on my street. Yes, a pot hole. No, I wasn't going fast. Yes, New Orleans streets are that bad. No, the city is not going to reimburse me (unless I get in line with the thousands of other people who receive less than $100 a few years after their claim. Not worth the hassle.) The pot hole was unmarked and it was dark outside. It caught the front end of my car, cracked the center of the frame and smashed one of the corners to where it looked like "a smashed soda can" according to the mechanic. The airbag deployed. Of course this caused my already existing whiplash to flare, and I sustained chemical burns on my arm from the airbag. Overall, no big deal. It just set back my recovery/maintenance on my back problems. Oh and we were less than a year away from having the car paid off. Yay...

• We bought a new-ish car. We're SUPER happy with it! We bought a 2011 Hyundai Sonata. The person who had it before us hardly drove it at all. We bought it with 12k miles on it. The former owner also put ALL of the bells and whistles on it, so we lucked out there too!

• July 1st, I go back to school. I will be attending at Tulane (obviously). I am going to finish my Bachelor of Arts degree just to get it under my belt. Then I might go for my MBA...but we'll have to see when that time comes.

And that pretty much sums up the last 6 months as far as big events go. My pain has been up and down. I've also re-entered therapy, as highly suggested by my rheumatologist. She referred me to an awesome LCSW whose specialty is in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). (I'll be doing a post specifically on DBT later to explain my personal experience with this therapeutic technique.) So I guess I can officially add Dr. Stavros to Baylee's Fibro Team. I've been going consistently for a few months now and it's most certainly helped me with day-to-day struggles and stressors. I don't always look forward to going, but I know it's helping. I've never been good at staying consistent with these things. You could call me a therapist-hopper I suppose. But, with the support of my hubby, I will continue to go in spite of the dread I experience before each appointment. Once I get there and after the appointment has concluded, I'm always glad I went.

Last, but most certainly not least, I'm going to church again. Jeremy and I were blessed to find a church just a few blocks from where we live. It's clear to me that this plan has been in place for a long time. We were attending off and on before Christmas, but I was having a problem staying consistent with going. (Are you seeing a pattern here?) In fact, this is the first time I've gone to church consistently since I lived at home in High School.  We've met some wonderful, supportive people who I consider to be family. Without a doubt, Bethel Missionary Baptist Church is a huge part of my Fibro Team now. 

So there's your update on the ongoing craziness in my life. I hope to be posting more frequently now that I'm more adjusted to my new routine. Thanks to those who've continued checking in on me!

Insurance Companies are Communists

There is not nice way to say this:

My insurance company sucks. I have had nothing but trouble over the past two years since I started seeking treatment/diagnosis/etc. First it was my Chiropractor. God Bless him for helping us in spite of the crap my insurance pulled. I called them over and over and fought with them on the wording in the plan description. I consulted other people who had more experience with insurance lingo. Yet, the answer they gave me was, "It depends on how its interpreted."

SERIOUSLY!?! So what they were really saying was, "Well, today I feel like interpreting it so it says I'm going to leave you hanging with $1000's of bills even though we said we'd cover it at first."

Yep. Super awesome.

When I got hooked up with my Rheumatologist, I thought things were going alright. We had a very clear expectation of how much of the quarterly visits would be covered, plus all of the tests/x-rays/prescriptions that would be required during my diagnosis period. It still cost us a bit of money, but we made it work. We have finally gotten into a rhythm with my doctors visits and prescriptions...my pain management plan is working (mostly), and I feel better than I've felt in a long while. HOORAY! This is the ultimate goal of any chronic pain survivor!

Well go ahead and just smash that little happy bubble. A few days ago I received notification that as of January 1st, my insurance company is no longer going to cover my Cymbalta. For those of you who aren't as familiar with all of the different meds used to manage Fibro, Cymbalta is in a class of medications called selective SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors). It is used to treat Depression, Anxiety, pain from Fibromyalgia, Chronic Low Back Pain, Osteoarthritis pain, and nerve pain from Diabetes. 

Cymbalta works differently for everyone, but for me personally it has been an AMAZING help. I have been on several different anti-depressants throughout my life, and from a psychiatric standpoint, Cymbalta has worked the best. (My husband and mother will attest to this too!) 

Some of you may be thinking, "Why don't you just ask for the generic?" or "Why don't you just switch to something else?"

It isn't that easy. Cymbalta has no generic available. It is extremely expensive. WITH my insurance, I was paying close to $50 for a 30day supply. WITHOUT my insurance, it will now be impossible for us to afford it. 

How much is it without insurance? <Drumroll>

$220 for a 30day supply. (For context, that's more than my car payment.) 

Needless to say, I'm going to have to change meds. Again. 

Let me tell you, transitioning from one anti-depressant to another is NOT a happy fun time. You have to be weened off of one completely before starting the new one. For me, my sensory overload gets put on over-drive, my (emotional) nerves freak out, and in general, I am just NOT fun to be around. High-strung and crazy is an under-statement. Or at least that's how I feel like I am during the transition.

So....I'm extremely fearful of the transition...and I'm especially fearful that whatever medication I get put on will not work as well as the Cymbalta does. 

So there you have it. Insurance Companies are Communists.

Update

Hello All!

Sorry I've been MIA for the past week. One of the many circumstances of picking and choosing where to spend my energy... my other responsibilities won. But I'm back with you now! This past week was insane. I'm starting to realize I may have, once again, over-extended myself by committing to too much. BUT, I can fix it. I think.

Currently I'm committed to working on 3 websites, in addition to this blog. Luckily all of that can be done while sitting at a computer, which isn't too physically demanding. It's just time consuming and brain draining at times. I know all my fellow bloggers can most certainly relate. In addition, to the  3 websites, Joy and I are currently planning Faith, Hope, and Fibro's 3yr Anniversary in February, we have our weekly group meetings, I'm planning (and executing) Christmas shopping for 26 people, wrapping said gifts for 26 people, then there is rehearsal on Wednesday nights at church for Sunday singing, Bible Study after rehearsal, Church on Sunday, and I'm back to working 40hrs a week M-F.

Yes. I'm insane. However, I'm not complaining about any of it, please don't misunderstand. I am HAPPY to be involved with such wonderful people and events. And I am EXTREMELY thankful for my job. In fact, this job has been such a HUGE blessing to Jeremy and I. 6 months ago, I was basically bed-ridden and on the verge of losing my job. This is a HUGE improvement. The most important thing for me is to find the "happy medium," though. So far, I'm doing much better at pacing myself. Some may see it as procrastination, (which I also do), but in this case I'm just making sure I'm taking care of myself a midst all of the responsibility. There's no need for me to land myself in a mess of pain, which will inevitably turn into resentment, during the holidays.

Historically speaking, Christmas has been a really hard time for me. This year is my first Christmas as Mrs. Baylee Bass, and I am doing EVERYTHING I can to make sure it's one of the best Christmas' in my life in spite of the fact that not all circumstances are ideal. 

Have a Holly, Jolly, Fibro Holiday!

I'm hoping you all had a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving with family and friends. A trend I've noticed with those suffering from Fibromyalgia is, we all tend to be perfectionists, over-achievers, a bit (or a lot) OCD, and extremely driven. As someone without Fibro could imagine, having such an A-Type personality make its all the more frustrating when we can't be The Hostess with the Mostess, make every side dish and dessert in our cookbooks, and feed the entire neighborhood. In other words, we like to over-extend ourselves. We were mostly likely this way before we were diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. And now, we feel even more repercussions and find it harder to bounce back. 

As great as it may feel to be told how great your great-grandmother's biscuits came out, or how easy you make the perfect Turkey look, lets be honest, it doesn't feel good enough to over come all of the pain and fatigue you get to deal with for the next few weeks....and just to do it all again for Christmas? 

STOP THE INSANITY!!!!

There are things we can do to keep ourselves from suffering through the holidays. Things we can do that might even allow us to ENJOY the holidays. 

"I already enjoy the holidays," you say. 

Well, you can't tell me you enjoy being bed-ridden after making your perfect feast, just so everything can be perfect, in your mind, for that one day.

"It's what my friends/family expect from me," you say.

Let me explain something to you. Your friends and family will not love you any less if you ask for help. They will not love you any less if you relinquish some of the responsibilities. They most certainly will not love you any less if you ask to have dinner at someone else's house this year. But if you demand to be the only one that cooks, and demand the get together be at your house every year because it's the most central location (or whatever reason you use), they will almost always let you do all the work. 

In order to relinquish those responsibilities though, you've got to be honest with yourself first. What are you able to do without over-extending yourself? What shortcuts can you take that really, (be honest), won't make that big of a difference?

We aren't just talking about cooking here. Let's talk about cleaning, eating, shopping, wrapping gifts, and something most people enjoy with holiday celebrations, alcohol.

CLEANING

If you do end up being the one having the holiday get-together at your house, instead of cleaning the entire house from top to bottom, clean the areas that will be used, and shut the doors to the "off-limit" areas. No one has to know you haven't vacuumed your guest bedroom closet. No one will honestly care :)

FOOD

If you've done your research about Fibro, you know there are certain foods that make us feel worse, and some make us feel better. Do yourself a favor, don't eat the ones that are going to make you feel like crap. And if you do get the urge to consume every sugary treat your Aunt Sally made, maybe try to do it in small portions. Remember, just because you're on Holiday, it doesn't mean your Fibro is too. Also, if you have grandkids, nieces, or nephews, this is a great time to teach them how to make some of the family recipes! Let them do the hard work while you sit back (comfortably) and supervise. 

SHOPPING

Black Friday is already over with, but there is still one day left of the weekend sale, then of course Cyber Monday. Not to mention all of the other amazing sales you'll see over the next few weeks. Whether you have 20 people to buy for, or only 2, shopping is stressful. If you haven't already, I recommend looking online at your favorite stores before going into them. Many websites let you check in-store availability before you make the trip to the crowded shopping center. If the store has it in stock, many will let you purchase your product online and pick it up in the store. If they don't have it in stock, then you can go ahead and take advantage of purchasing it online and having it shipped directly to your home! No trips to the mall or fighting crowds are necessary! Seriously, take advantage of the awesomeness that is Technology.

GIFT WRAPPING

Not only is this a time consuming task, it can often times be a physically draining task. Do you have grandkids, nieces, nephews, neighbors with kids? Pay them a nickel for every gift they wrap! Not only will they be learning the value of working for their money, your pocket book won't suffer from paying some expensive service in the mall to wrap your gifts for you! (Obviously you can pay them a little more if they're old enough to know the value of a Nickel these days haha). The gifts may not be wrapped perfectly, but they'll have charm and it will be a story to tell your guests that will make them go "Awww!!!"

ALCOHOL

As many of you know, my husband and I have recently decided to no longer drink alcohol. This was our personal choice based on how it was affecting our lives (and mostly interfering with my medication.) All of us can admit, drinking with friends at Holiday parties is fun, but it's not usually worth it for how crappy we feel the next few days. No, I'm not talking about a hangover. I'm talking simply about how alcohol interferes with our medications. Many of us are on anti-depressants (Cymbalta being the most common). Those of us who have been taking anti-depressants for some time know that missing a dose is BAD BAD BAD. Well, drinking alcohol is almost the same as missing a dose. You might as well be flushing those pills down the toilet (and they are NOT cheap!) So, instead of drinking the spiked eggnog, champagne, or hot-totti, perhaps you can enjoy some sparkling white grape juice, or hot cider instead. 

Hopefully I've been able to give some of you a few ideas on how to make your Holidays a little more doable. I know most of this is easier said than done. I'm a control freak, I'll be the first to admit it. But I've learned not to sweat the small stuff (most of the time haha.) The most important thing is to enjoy and cherish the time with your loved ones. Being able to do that in the least amount of pain and stress is what we dream of, right?

My name is Baylee, and I am NOT an alcoholic.

I realized the statement in my last post may have raised some alarm with people who aren't around me all of the time. Yes, I have been sober for 5wks. Yes, society has conditioned us that when the word sober is paired with a length of time, it automatically means "ALCOHOLIC."  However, sober simply means "not drunk" or "not under the influence of mind altering substances such as alcohol, drugs, etc." So, leaving the stigma behind, yes I have been sober for 5wks (and 1 day) now. I have had plenty of opportunities to drink, but I haven't. I've even been offered alcohol by friends who know I have chosen to stop drinking, but I said no. I've chosen to keep track of the time for me. For the moments I try to tell myself, "It isn't that big of a deal. You can have just one drink," I can look and see that I've already put 5wks of work into it. Yes, that is a big deal, and no, I don't want to ruin that.

Do I consider myself an alcoholic? No. I don't. And here is why, (according to the medical definition of alcoholism):

-My body has never been chemically dependent upon alcohol. (Meaning, my body did not go through alcohol withdrawal when I stopped drinking.)
-I never showed up to work drunk, nor did I even drink every night for that matter.
-I did not experience social or health problems directly influenced from alcohol intake. (I'm sure it didn't help my health, but my health issues were pre-existing to any alcohol consumption on my part.)

Did I have unhealthy drinking patterns? Yes. I did. And I am admitting that to you all now for accountability. Alcohol was something I used to go to when I was stressed, or depressed. Many people go to food, cigarettes, promiscuity...I chose alcohol. I could drink to make myself sleepy, I could drink to make video games funnier, or I could drink to slow my brain down to keep from being extremely anxious about uncomfortable/stressful situations. Basically I used it to not have to experience life as it really was.

Yes. I realize alcohol mostly, if not completely nullifies the purpose of my anti-depressant. But it worked Right. Then. I'm sure anyone who smokes or used to smoke cigarettes can empathize with me. 

Was I wrong for depending on alochol to handle my emotions rather than dealing with them directly myself? Yes. Not only is it unhealthy for my body, it is unhealthy for me psychologically. It not only fed my addictive personality, it allowed me to avoid dealing with uncomfortable situations. It allowed me to run away. 

This new portion of my life is all about facing my demons/ghosts/fears...whatever you want to call them. I realize if I never face these issues, however small or big they already are, they will only continue to get bigger and eventually explode, causing yet another traumatic, dramatic experience in my life.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

I'm doing everything I can Right. Now. to break my old, unhealthy patterns that kept me in a continuous spiral over the past several years. Sometimes I will mess up, and some of this process is going to be rough as I figure out what works for me. But the most important part is that I've realized the "error of my ways" and I'm taking the steps to correct the behavior patterns. That, my friends, is what matters most to me. I ask for your support in this, but regardless of your support, I'm doing this for me so that I may be a better friend, daughter, wife, and some day mother.

The Process of Acceptance

Yesterday I made 5 weeks sober.

"The only solution is to let go of who you once were and try to embrace the person you are today."

This is one of the many statements I wrote down when I first started brainstorming for my blog. It was followed by the questions,

"Who did I used to be?" and "Who am I now?"

To be honest, I'm not even sure I know the answers to those questions. But I'm going to try my best to answer them now...so bare with me here. It might be a little rough.

Who I used to be: Emotionally reactive, whether it be happy, sad, frustrated, or down right angry. My emotions always led the way. There was no hiding it. Some people referred to me as "high strung." I can't say that I would disagree. I overloaded my plate ALL of the time. I wanted to do everything for everyone. I was completely and totally insecure about everything. When I say everything, I mean down to every. word. that. came. out. of. my. mouth. Everyone who was nice to me, I assumed they were just "humoring" me. Even though I was successful with my job, I required confirmation from my boss or other peers to feel validated that I really was doing well. In fact, I required validation of my feelings about most anything. 

Constantly I felt guilty because there was always something wrong with me. When someone would ask what was wrong or if I was in a bad mood, I'd normally lie and just say I was tired. I felt like a hypochondriac. I didn't understand why, at the mere age of 24, I felt so bad all of the time. I was destructive. Emotionally and physically. I'd literally hate on myself all of the time. I hated that I gained weight. I gained enough to where I decided I'd never lose it. It would be impossible. I hated that I was socially awkward, when all I wanted was to fit in (this stems back all the way to grade school.) I hated that I couldn't just "get myself together" and be "fine." Did I mention that I hated there was always something wrong with me?

 Physically I'd destroy myself by staying up too late, not sleeping enough, eating food that only further displeased my already messed up digestive system, and of course alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. If you're familiar at all with the show How I Met Your Mother, you'll understand when I say every time I drank, my mindset was, "Challenge Accepted." How much could I drink and manage to still stumble up the stairs to my bedroom. Or not. A few times I allowed relied on Jeremy to help me. The next morning I wouldn't remember things that happened the night before (which is bad since I don't remember lots of things when I'm sober either.) I hated myself for drinking, so I'd drink more to not feel so bad about hating myself. Yes I know, that doesn't make sense. But the mindset of someone with an alcohol issue usually doesn't make sense. I never felt like doing my make-up or hair in the morning, so I'd say I didn't care. But then I'd be self-conscious every day at work and feel ugly. Even though I had some really interesting and nice accomplishments, none of it really seemed to be that big of a deal to me. To sum it up, I hated myself and assumed no one really liked me either.

Who I am now: I'm still emotionally reactive, but I'm getting better at controlling it in certain situations. I've also accepted that my emotions make me who I am. I also have made it a point to remove myself from situations that I know will only increase my stress. (Stress is the easiest way to start a flare, for me at least.) I try my best to only associate myself with people who impact my life positively. I try to limit the things I commit myself to. I realize I can't fix everything for everyone. I try my best not to dwell on everything, especially the things I have no control over. My awesome friend Kalli has helped me a ton by helping me identify the things I can control, and quantify if the result will be "the end of the world," or what the worst case scenario really is. (Usually it isn't nearly as bad as I make it out to be.) 

I lost 30lbs before my wedding. By doing this, I realize it isn't impossible. I have put back on a bit of the weight I lost, but I don't hate myself. I'm not that little 130lb thing I used to be (and probably never will be again), but I have learned to dress myself appropriately where I can still be comfortable in my own body. And most of all, I have realized and accepted that my husband didn't fall in love with 130lb little ol' me. He didn't even know me then. He fell in love with the heavier, curvier me. And I feel secure in that. I've worked through a lot of the insecurities regarding my friends and the feelings of being "just humored." I learned to accept that its quite possible there are people on this planet that sincerely enjoy being around me. (Gasp!) 

When I'm asked how I feel, I'm honest, but I've learned how to phrase things in different ways to where I don't constantly sound like the Debbie-Downer I used to hate. Instead, when I'm asked how I'm doing I choose to focus on the good things going on in my life, thus giving me a positive answer. It isn't a lie to say, "I'm doing well." I have a lot of really great things going on, and I'm learning to cherish them as they are. I've also stepped out of the bitterness and started asking how other people are doing. I know that may sound extremely selfish, but used to I would never ask, "How was your weekend?" or other variations. Frankly, I didn't want to know because I knew it would be better than mine, because mine inevitably sucked. I'm getting better at what I like to refer as, "The Social Contract." I also realized that I do not have to drink alcohol to comply with, "The Social Contract." I do not have to drink alcohol at all for anything. So I don't. It's hard, especially at get-together's with friends and everyone is having wine or a martini. But my husband is encouraging, and so far I've done ok.

Most of all, I've begun to accept that I am enough. I do have times where I fall down the rabbit-hole of doom and despair, but for the most part I feel good about myself. I'm involved in an amazing support group, I get along with people at work, I'm confident my boss likes me, and I'm finally back at church. In spite of my pain and in the moments of sadness when I get frustrated that I even have to deal with this illness, I also know that God would not have given it to me unless I could handle it. This was a wake-up call for me. The moment I realized I had no control over my body, and never had, I was humbled to the grace of God and reminded that He has had control all along, regardless of my attempts to ignore Him. I was also reminded that I don't have to go this alone. My hope is only that I can continue on the right path and to lean on God when I need strength. 

So it seems that letting go of the old me would be easy since the old me didn't seem to pleasant...but it was hard. And I still hold on to bits and pieces of the old me. I'm still cynical about most things, but I'm much more open to positivity than I was before. I have chosen to be Happy.

The Life of Retail: Oh, the Humanity!

(My retail friends and fellow retail retirees will appreciate this.)

Oh my, where do I even begin. 

Retail is one of the most common jobs in the United States. From small businesses to big corporations such as Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and Macy's, retail is everywhere. It is what I consider one of the many unfortunate necessary evils in our world. There are so many things that go into making a Retail business successful. This post will be speaking mostly about the bigger Corporations.

Several roles are required to run a large Retail business. Remember the PC game Sim's Theme Park? You created this huge theme park and had to place workers everywhere to run the place. Little messages would pop up and alert you to complain about puke not getting cleaned up fast enough from one of the roller-coasters, or the trash not getting taken out fast enough. It was intricate, and unless you could effectively manage all of these little imaginary people, your customers would walk out because your bathrooms smelled or you ran out of corn dogs. Sometimes you'd get so many notifications it'd get over-whelming. Ridiculous for just a game right? Welcome to retail.

Let's rewind the clock to five years ago, when the economy still sucked, but it sucked just a little less. 

There was a different team for everything....

Inventory: Received the truck, pulled down the big items like TV's and large appliances, performed carry-outs for customers, did weekly counts of the items in the store, and they sent back items to manufacturer's that were "past their date of selling".

Merchandising: Stocked items, put signs up in the store, changed all of the prices and set the new ad on Sundays.

Loss Prevention/Asset Protection: Basically security. They watched the cameras, greeted customers as they came in, and said good-bye as they left. Checked receipts, called for carry-outs.

Customer Service: Returns/Exchanges

Cashiers: Rang stuff up (duh)

Sales: In my previous employer's terms that would mean MP3, TV's, Audio, Computers, Appliances, Cameras, and Media (CD's/Movies/Video Games) were all separate. 

I think you get the idea of the separate department thing now. Each of these departments had their on personal supervisor and manager. That's A LOT of sups and managers. And that's just at the store level. When you start adding in District and Territory support, corporate teams in charge of writing the HR policies, the out-sourced call centers for HR support, payroll, accounting, marketing....then you have the international relationships. It's fascinating how many people are involved, just so people can walk into a brick and mortar store and buy a new release movie every Tuesday, or a new TV because the most recent thunderstorm zapped theirs out. 

Now fast-forward to the present. The thousands of people who made up that very corporation...take a third of it away. The amount of different roles in the store, cut it in half. In stores that used to run 6 managers, they now only have 3. Where there used to be 8 supervisors, there are only 4. (Yes I'm sure you understand the concept of "half" but I'm shooting for context here.) Keep in mind, even though the number of employees has decreased, the number of tasks and responsibilities to run the business has not decreased.

I get it. The economy SUCKS right now. Sure, cut the amount of jobs. That will save boat loads of money. Everyone is doing it. But what does this mean for all of the store level employees? More work and more responsibilities. Aren't all of the District, Territory, and Corporate employees affected too? What about the ones who lost their jobs at the Corporate level? Well I'll tell you what happens. Most of them will receive a large severance package that will keep them going for quite a while. And those who didn't lose their jobs? Well they still get to work Monday through Friday, leave at 5pm, and spend evenings, weekends, and holidays with their families. They get to take 4 or maybe more vacations a year because the business will run without them.


The store level employees however work the nights and weekends and holidays, so consumers can wait last minute to buy gifts, so people can go buy a TV at 9 o'clock at night. (Who needs to buy a TV that late at night!?!?) I get it though. It comes with the territory, you say. That's what you sign up for when you decide to work retail. And it all comes down to money. People need to make money so they can support their families. Retailers need to make money, so they make their products available for more hours per day to be consumed, just in case someone might think, "Hey. I think I'd like a new TV," at 9pm one night. It's all about money. That's what makes our world go 'round. Money, money, money. 

So the pressure from Corporate starts coming down on Territory staff, then it trickles down to District, then they put pressure on the store Managers, which then gets transferred down to the store employees. The store employee who was once responsible for one department instead of four departments feels the pressure. Oh man, do they ever. They are expected to work longer hours, over-time, answer their personal phone any time of day even when it's their day off, and even expected to come in on their day off. What about their personal life? Well you can forget it. Unfortunately, it seems the money is more important.

This, my friends, is NOT what a person signs up for when they choose to work retail. Not if you're working part-time and getting paid minimum wage with no benefits or bonuses. When the head count gets cut, the responsibility increases for those that are left. But it's funny how the pay doesn't increase. Even if only the increase was a small amount, the money could still save money. It seems though that the majority of the bigger corporations have lost sight of the fact that it's their employees that make them the money they're so obsessed with. This brings me to my next point....

BLACK FRIDAY: The biggest shopping day of the year next to Christmas Eve. It's what every large Retailer spends their entire year planning for, and where you'll see fights break out over a "good deal" on the most popular toy of the year as early as 2am. When you choose to work retail, you inevitably sign up for working Black Friday. It's a non-negotiable. I'm sure you all have noticed though that over the years, the opening time has started creeping up a little earlier each year. When I first started retail, we opened Black Friday at 5 or 6am. (It was a while ago, I don't remember exactly.) The opening was early, but it allowed the employees who had to work the morning shift to at least spend a full day celebrating Thanksgiving with their families the day before, and get a semi-normal nights sleep before encountering the craziness that is Black Friday. This past Black Friday, my 6th in retail, we opened at midnight. MIDNIGHT! Employees working the morning shift had to show up as early as 10pm on Thanksgiving night. That day, our store was open a full 23hours straight. So not only did we have to come in earlier, some of us worked anywhere from 11-18hr shifts. Some of us were lucky and got to split them between two shifts and catch a nap at home in between. But several people commute to work, so running home and taking a nap wasn't really an option in between shifts. So in order to get enough rest to work the insane amount of hours that day, most people had to cut their Thanksgiving day festivities short. I personally went to bed at 3pm Thanksgiving day, to wake up at 8pm and get ready for my 14hrs of craziness. I got to see my family for 3 hours on Thanksgiving. Some "holiday" right?

This year, Wal-Mart has announced they will be opening their doors for Black Friday on Thursday at 8pm. This is two hours earlier than last year when they opened on Thanksgiving day at 10pm. They aren't the only ones either! See a list of retail store opening times here. 

First off, It's called Black FRIDAY!!!! For pete's sake. But, as we established earlier, its about making that extra buck. Who cares that the employees are going to be sacrificing time with their families. Now I will say, some companies are offering incentives to those willing to open on Black Thursday/Friday. Target is offering bonuses to their employees who will come open their doors at 9pm on Thanksgiving night. However, Wal-Mart is offering NOTHING. And I'm sure they aren't the only ones. And because of that, this is what they're getting.

That's right. As stated in the article, employees started their strike in October. A full two months before Black Friday. 160 employees walked out between 28 different stores. Now while this is a very small amount compared to Wal-Marts 1.4million US employees, it's a start. Tons of other strikes are planned for Black Friday that will include more people walking out, Flash Mobs, and other special surprises. What will it take to make this insanity stop? As also stated in the article, employees have attempted several times to organize a Union to stop the inhumane treatment. But Wal-Mart leadership retaliates on these employees by cutting their hours, basically forcing them to find other jobs to support their families. (I'm pretty sure that's illegal.)

Wal-Mart is just an example of the crazy treatment employees are receiving in the world of retail, where customers money comes first. As consumers, I must ask you, when dealing with anybody regarding business, please remember they are humans, too.They deserve to be treated as so, not as servants. Especially in a Retail environment. When it comes to the Holidays, namely Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, remember those employees have families too. And although they did sign up to work retail, they don't always get to choose the conditions they are put in just to make a living for their families. Furthermore, please don't be one of those jerks that walks in 5 minutes before closing on Christmas Eve, then get angry when they kick you at precisely at closing time. It's not their fault YOU waited until the last minute to buy your gifts. And it's most certainly not their fault YOU waited until the last day of the sale to come pick up the $199 laptop the ad said the store would only have 5 of. 

<Let the comments commence. Family friendly venting is encouraged.>

Baylee's Fibro Team

You know the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, I feel like we could also apply that to Fibromyalgia, only it would be, "It takes a team to support a Fibromite." Or something like that. I'm sure you guys could come up with something better. 

The point of this post though is to give a shout out to all of the different people who make up "Team Baylee." They will be listed in no particular order, by the by.

Dr. Collins- My rheumatologist, the sweet lady I see once a quarter, and the lady who hooks me up with my meds. Every appointment we go over my pain levels, she re-examines my body to check for new issues, and she makes it a point to address not only the pain but the psychological side of the disorder. She's listens to me when I tell her something isn't working, and she is always helpful when I call to ask about adjusting my medication. This woman has definitely found her calling. Every time I leave my appointment, no matter how upset or discourage I was when I walked in, I always feel refreshed and ready to go fight some more. 

Target Pharmacy Team- I LOVE my pharmacy. I get the best customer service from them (except for one time, but it was an isolated situation.) I can never keep track of which medicine I'm actually supposed to be picking up. All of my med refill dates over lap and I never know which one is up. The few times I've ran out of refills they've taken care of me and are always willing to contact my doctor for me. They are just AMAZING! 

Rachel- The nice lady who used to listen to me talk once a week. I don't see her anymore for financial reasons, but she was there through everything that happened over the year before I got my diagnosis. She is the first therapist I've seen that I have actually been 100% open and honest with. She helped me through several previous existing issues, and gave me great advice for the current situation I was in. She gave me tools that I will be able to use for the rest of my life to deal with stress that don't include medicating myself. That in itself was worth all the money I could ever give her.

Dr. Pace- My chiropractor, my life saver. He has never lost faith in my ability to get better. He encouraged me through my weight loss before the wedding. I was always so excited to report my new results to him! He was there through all of the frustration of my diagnosis process and what I went through at work. Him, his wife, and staff all genuinely care about both Jeremy and I. We love them to pieces and consider them family!

My Mom and Dad- My mother, who also has Fibromyalgia, is the person I call when I want to vent, celebrate, or just get an outside perspective. I don't have to pretend with her. If I feel like crap, I can just tell her I feel like crap, she understands, and vice versa. If I need to get my head straight I can ask her if I'm being crazy or if I'm valid for feeling the way I do. I know she'll be honest with me. She's always told me, "There's nothing you will ever do or see that I haven't already done or seen." As a kid I always just laughed and shrugged it off. I have since learned that it's absolutely, positively true. She seriously knows everything. Dad has always taken such good care of Mom when she would flare. And he did an even more amazing job taking care of me as a child when Mom was feeling really bad. Now that I'm an adult, he has turned into a wonderful friend that I can ask advice from. Or we can just talk about music, movies, video games...he's just a wonderful support role that I know will always be there to love me and help if I need it. I couldn't and wouldn't trade that sense of security for anything in this world. 

Friends- There are so many friends I depend on, and they're all in their own little category. I have the friends who can always make me laugh when I'm frustrated or sad, the friends who I can vent to and no matter how crazy I sound they'll always offer to go beat someone up just to make me laugh and feel better. I have the friends that drag me back to reality when I've gone down the rabbit hole of depression/anxiety and start freaking out about something I have no control over. I've got my Facebook Fibro friends, my Twitter FIbro peeps, and of course my gals of Faith, Hope, and Fibromyalgia. Those ladies have made such a huge impact on my life and I've only known them three weeks. Namely, Joy Peterson, the founder. She checks on me daily via text or email, we pray for each other and pray over our husbands that God will give them the strength, patience, and energy to help take care of us. I've got my friends who live far away and we only talk through Facebook. I can't tell you how amazing it is when I see you guys following my posts here or on Twitter. It seriously means the world to me that you would even be interested in learning about Fibro! THANK YOU! Your support uplifts me daily!

Jeremy- I know you guys are probably sick and tired of hearing me go on and on about my husband and how awesome he is. But you'll just have to get over it :) He's SUPER awesome. He has the patience of a saint, and the tolerance of a wooden statue. Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with me, but I know without a doubt he loves me. This is another sense of security I am thankful for. I know he will be there for me. Always. Love you babe :)

Maggie- This amazing woman is the one I call my Best Friend. I can't help but using that term. We've known each other going on 13yrs. She is the ying to my yang. We're complete opposites but fit so well together. She has inspired me to write and reach out about Fibro, like she has about Crohn's. She has been so encouraging throughout the entire time we've known each other. She stuck with me through all of my crazy boyfriend nonsense in high school and my huge heart breaks in college. She's seen me at my best and most certainly at my worst. Some people mistake us for sisters, and we used to call ourselves The Grace Sisters back in high school. (The most clumsy in real life, yet graceful in dance.) She was the Maid of Honor in my wedding, and one day my kids will call her Aunt Maggie. Even though she's in Chicago and I'm in New Orleans, we still find time to talk and check on each other. This friendship is one that will, with no doubt, last a lifetime. 

It goes without saying that God is on Team Baylee as well. I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life. I feel that more right now than I ever have before. 

And there you have it. I hope I haven't left anyone off. There are so many people who I know support me, so please don't be offended if I didn't list you by name. I love and appreciate every single one of you. 

<Who makes up YOUR Support Team?>