Not.
As I lie here in bed on ice packs, missing yet another day of work, I have to wonder if I'm really going to be able to continue working Full Time like a "normal" person, or if I'm going to end up on Disability. The organization I work for right now has allotted me many wonderful blessings. I finally have a Monday-Friday 8:30am-5pm job. I never work on holidays. I get to take a two week, paid winter recess. And on top of it all, I'm finishing my degree for free at a prestigious school. What moron wouldn't just find a way to "make it work"?
The "make it work" solution has eluded me. It's not that I don't want it, which I have been accused of before. I just can't figure it out. My body is this puzzle that I'm constantly battling. It throws a different obstacle at me daily, often times multiple times a day. Just when I think I've got it managed, it throws another wrench in my pain management plan. And right now, I'm not doing a very good job at keeping up with it.
At this point, I'm researching other solutions that will allow me to make the same, or close to the same amount of money, but where I can have more freedom if I'm having a really bad pain day. I currently hold a position to where if I'm not there, it's a pretty big hassle to find someone to cover me. And don't get me wrong, they have been more than understanding with me. But just a few weeks ago I did an 11 day stint in bed, 9 of those days were working days. Now I'm out again today. I know it looks bad to them, and I know they have a business to run. You put 2 and 2 together.
Employment options that give you more freedom are typically self-run/home-owned businesses or work from home stuff. I've researched work from home jobs extensively, and I'm having a difficult time finding the right fit. As much as I would LOVE to have a home-owned business, it's just not the time right now for Jeremy and I to go down that road. Someday perhaps, but not right now.
Next week I will be meeting with my rheumatologist. I'm having a full Thyroid Panel run and I'm having her test my Adrenal gland. But until then, until I get the results, I'm just stuck. I wake up in the morning and I hurt. I try to be optimistic and say, "Ok. I'll lay here 5 more minutes and maybe I'll feel better." But 5 minutes passes and it isn't better. So I try stretching for a little while. Still not better. So then I think maybe a shower will make it better...but it doesn't. Finally, I come to the realization that it's just not going to get better today. Those are the days that I stay home. Days like today, where I feel stuck and have no clue how to "make it work."
I am definitely a Train Wreck.
